its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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