R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
