Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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