I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
