I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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