running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
