Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
