When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
