This is not my ceiling
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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