Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
