what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
