the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
