I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
