guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
