i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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