My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
