i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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