You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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