who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
