John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
