id be glad to
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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