So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
