I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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