New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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