I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
