she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
