On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
