There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
