please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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