I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
