Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
