There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
