im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
