Little spoons don't ask big questions
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
