Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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