alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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