Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
ttyl tear gas
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
