Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
