The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
