DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
