Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he thought i was a dude.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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