dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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