i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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