So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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