Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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