I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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