he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I didn't notice because vodka
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
