He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
