Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
