He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
