So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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