Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Randomize
